Patience

I woke up today groggy and tired from working weekend nights and the disappointment of not being pregnant (again.... its only month three, but still frustrating). and then I remembered.... our good morning girls Bible study starts today!!!  I was so excited. I sleepily came downstairs, started coffee, took my little puppy outside potty and sat at the kitchen table with my Bible, journal, computer, and steaming hot cup of coffee.  After 30 minutes of studying our Bible verse with a little thanks to John McAurthor I'm feeling more awake, comforted, and maybe even a little happier.


My husband says we aren't "actively trying" but sometimes I wonder if maybe because saying it makes it more real and open for disappointment when it doesn't happen.  Maybe not for him, but I'd sure say that it applies to me.  


It's hard to want something that you can't suddenly "make happen," especially when you are seeing it continually occur around you.  Next door neighbor, she's expecting right?  Why... yes she is..  And your friend who lived a couple doors down, she's expecting to right?  Yes, her fourth.  That girl you work with, didn't they get pregnant by "accident"?  Yeah actually, they did.

Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours.  

-Mark 11:24

Sometimes you start wondering... "God why don't you want me to have this blessing?.... Is it because I didn't trust You in the first place and used science to plan for our time, to not accept your blessings to begin with?"  I'm sure we all play those mind games, the what ifs, why not right nows....  but maybe sometimes He's just saying.... "Wait... this will be better, just wait on Me.  You will be amazing at what I can do... at what I can give you..."

 And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. 

-Romans 8:28

But I Need It!

A friend of mine always laughs at me while we walk aimlessly through Target or other stores when I point to something or stop and examine a find and say "oooh, I need this!"  Obviously I don't truly mean I need everything, it is just the phrase I use that she has come to tease me for.

How often do we find ourselves needing something or feeling that it is what we deserve or even our right to have something?  Probably more often than not.  At least I always become surprised (and silently ashamed) of my selfishness when I come to see it.

We who are strong ought to bear with the failings of the weak

and not to please ourselves.  

Each of us should please our neighbors for their good, to build them up. 

-- Romans 15:1-2

God has definitely been stretching me this past week.  Our anniversary vacation turned out to be far from what we, or maybe specifically I, had originally planned it out to be.  Where we would go, what we would do or see, and our alone (and relaxation) time together.  We had jokingly said before it would be "the honeymoon we couldn't have" when we were first married just over a year ago.  

It was different in a good way, once I came to see the bigger picture (and stop the grumbling and irritation that was circling in my mind).  I actually find it rather embarrassing to type out my selfishness and shortcoming but maybe if it strikes a chord with anyone else in the same situation or soon to face a struggle it will be worth it. 

Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others. 

-- Philippians 2:3-4

I certainly doubt God would be saying "sorry Lacey, this is my anniversary vacation with so and so... and so I need to do what I want to do, because well you are just tagging along with us."  I'm sure he'd be asking "what do you want to do today?" or "What can I do for you...tell me how can I serve you today to make your vacation time more enjoyable?" and not giving a second thought to what He wanted.  

My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you.  

John 15:12

A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another: just as I have loved you,

you also are to love one another. 

By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another.”

John 13:34-35

I can say with certainty that I heavily failed when it came to the expectation that God might have had for me this weekend.  Or maybe He didn't have?  Maybe he knew I needed to grow here and was slowly stretching me to transform into a more mature woman of God.  Out of a heart of love He commands that we pursue and cherish unselfish Christ-like Christian love for one another.

Do everything without grumbling or arguing, 

so that you may become blameless and pure, 

children of God without fault in a warped and crooked generation. 

-- Philippians 2:14-15